go in CHEAP & come out CLEAN

If you are interested in a lady…a few things to maybe do less:

1.) Do not stand around outside the subway station, see a girl you like & then immediately start trailing her as if you were waiting for this moment.

2.) Do not blurt out a non-sequitur & expect her to have any clue of what you are talking about.

3.) Do not say “not as bad as yesterday, huh?” and expect her to know what the fuck you’re talking about. Do not then clarify that you mean the weather.

3a.) Especially when it is ten degrees colder today than it was yesterday.

4.) When she speeds up to walk away from you, don’t speed up, too. She hasn’t even looked you in the eye, she’s not interested.

5.) Don’t start running behind her. This is a surefire way to convince her you are trying to kill her, no matter how clearly she could probably take you in a battle (due mostly to your awkward nature).

6.) Do not change where you are going just to follow this girl who is not interested in talking to you. This really convinces her you are a serial killer.

7.) Don’t follow her into the cross walk and ask her if she ever ordered fries from the fry truck you both passed 2 blocks ago.

8.) As she continues to not look you in the eye & say no, turning away from you, do not then say “hey, excuse me miss, but where did you get your frames?” as if you haven’t been trying to talk to her for 3 blocks. 3 very long, very awkward blocks.

9.) Please never call glasses “frames” because who does that?

10.) Please don’t nearly follow her into her office (until you realize she is going into that big building that you don’t have access to), say goodbye and go BACK across the street from where you just came from, because then she’ll really be convinced you’re going to stalk her office and murder her on that weird stretch of 6th Avenue by the Sleepy’s.

(The subtitle of this post was going to be “Why Is This Every Dude That’s Into Me…Ever?”)