go in CHEAP & come out CLEAN

The Best Friend

Duh. *click*

The Best Friend’s Boyfriend who you sort of don’t like but are trying to not be a bitch about

He’s going to come anyway. Invite.

That flaky friend you think is cool enough, and shows up 10% of the time

Maybe this time!

That recently-turned Republican person who aggressively fights any point someone makes about Barack Obama that you went to college with and keep on your news feed to remind yourself why you’re always right

You have way too many gay friends for that shit, plus you don’t hate yourself or your party-to-be

Your three friends from work that you regularly get lunch with

Invite them all; one of them will show.

That guy you went out with one time who is loosely connected to some of your friends

Meh, could come in handy.

Your friend who’s married now (ew, weird! Adulthood!)

Invite her & the husband.

The two people from high school that you actually still talk to

*select*

That one sad person from high school that complains all the time about how no body cares about them or treats them the way they deserve to be treated

Ha ha ha, no.

That guy you met on OKCupid that insisted on friending you before you hung out that one time and now you’re afraid to defriend him because he might randomly email you and be upset because he still ‘Likes’ your statuses and you find that somewhat endearing as you cultivate your soon-to-be-famous Internet presence

Uhm…Pass.

That friend that you always invite to everything (and they always invite you to everything) that you totally want to hang out with more, but you have polar opposite schedules so you only see each other once every six months

OMG totally! Maybe this time they’ll make it!

Those three people that you don’t really hang out with anymore but are friends with all of your friends and will be totally offended if you don’t invite them

…ugh, fine.

Your roommates

*Set as admin*

That weird friend of yours that lives like 8 states away that always seems to find the invites when they aren’t invited and types out sad emoticons on the wall of the event saying “there in spirit!”

You don’t select even though you know they’ll be the first one to write on the wall of the event, somehow.

The guy you have a crush on that lives really far away and totally won’t come, but you always fantasize about them accepting—or better yet, not respond and then SURPRISE YOU—and showing up to admit that he’s always had a crush on you and after he received this particular Facebook invite, he knew he just couldn’t hold it in any longer and had to travel to this very party to confess his true feelings.

Swoon. Obviously.

The crew from college that you see pretty regularly

*click click click*

That one super-argumentative person whose social reader updates prove they never work a minute of their life

No thanks!

That acquaintance most of your friends don’t like, but you sorta had fun with one of the three times you hung out

Hmm…maybe round two.

That guy that your roommate likes that she totally won’t invite on her own accord, but you’re a total wingman so you know to do her a solid

Invite!

Your neighbor you sometimes see awkwardly in the hallway by the mailboxes that is way too chatty

Hmm…ahh, maybe? He’ll probably invite himself over when he hears the music, anyway.  Round two.

Your neighbor you sometimes see awkwardly in the hallway by the mailboxes that you really want to be friends with

Invite with a personal message “Hey-o, Your GQ got stuck in with my bills, want me to stop by and bring it up to you?! p.s. Thought we’d invite you to our party if you’re around.”

Your current boss

Ha!

Your old boss

Double ha!

Your siblings

Not if you want to have a shameful night of poor life decisions that won’t ever accidentally find their way back to your mother!