go in CHEAP & come out CLEAN

Los Angeles may trump New York in terms of the weird dating habits of its inhabitants. People are flaky. Like, way flaky. And their reasons for being so are even flakier than that. And nothing is quite so special as the secret shame some of these dudes carry when it comes to being interested in a fat girl. Honestly, I’m not sure where in the handbook it says we all welcome the pity fuck like a gift, but it definitely isn’t in MY edition. Or they only want to sleep with you in private, as if it’s illegal to like someone that isn’t the Hollywood standard of perceived beauty. And if you aren’t interested? FORGET IT. There’s a special sort of anger in a man that feels like he’s doing you a favor by showing interest in you, when you reject him.

People are also seemingly obsessed with how their work-life can impress and help their dating life. As if it somehow matters what sort of status you have in their (usually the entertainment/media) industry of choice. As if sussing out another person’s connections/aspirations is a prerequisite for a viable partner rather than, say, compatibility and interesting personality. There’s a whole lot of peacocking without any substance. It can be exhausting.

I was frustrated by dating in NYC, but LA dating doesn’t even want to try to taunt me with possibility. It just mostly makes me want to not even try.

Really, I’d just love to be proven wrong.

1. It’s warm here, but not as hot as I thought.
2. Wait…do I need a…jacket right now? Really?
3. OMG I hate driving.
4. You mean I need to wear sunscreen all the time?
5. OMG I love driving!
6. Everyone is so happy here.
7. Parking is the worst.
8. Look at the fucking mountains!
9. Ugh, OK, I guess I’ll buy sunscreen.
10. No, seriously…look at the motherfucking mountains!
11. Thanks for the random sincere kindness…every stranger ever so far.
12. My bedroom is so huge!
13. This apartment is so huge!
14. Why is there so much space everywhere?
15. What do you mean the ocean is right there?!
16. Skateboarding is still a thing.
17. Everyone really does actually surf.
18. Some of the plants look like they’re plant dinosaurs.
19. Some of the plants ARE plant dinosaurs.
20. I get to wear my sunglasses all the time!
21. All this sun is a great excuse to finally purchase a pair of Karen Walkers.
22. Oh my GOD am I allergic to the sun?
23. Unprovoked smiling?
24. Oh my god, where is my sunscreen?
25. Oh, OK so not everyone is blonde and plastic.
26. This place is 800 years long.
27. Mountains.
28. The official bird of Los Angeles is the helicopter.
29. Gas is so expensive. I miss the subway!
30. This place is so fucking different.

I totally cried in my boss’ office today because my body has recently undergone a transformation from muscle, blood & bone to a bag of skin overstuffed with high-intensity emotional reactions to everything.

Whatever, crying in your boss’ office is the new sitting in your boss’ office quietly and nodding.