go in CHEAP & come out CLEAN

I also wrote over 3,000 words on the newest installment of The Bachelor because I sincerely love terrible things.

We’re getting close to the end, and I think you can tell in how increasingly exasperated my recaps are. America! True, real, reality television forever-love is just around the corner! Read on if you’re into that sort of thing. They go to each dude’s hometown! How romantical and shit.

Hey look, I made some jokes and shit about a reality show. Don’t ask me to try and be witty about it right now.

In case you forgot, I’m recapping The Bachelorette for Hollywood.com. Here is episode number two! It involves Muppets which I like, and a bunch of dudes I don’t particularly care for—but we’re trying, America! We’ll get there. Together.

Thought you were done with me and my weekly recaps? WRONG, AMERICA.

Feast your eyes on the quizzical weirdness that is my recap of The Bachelorette premiere. So meaty!